National Writing Day Reasoning

My Happy Thoughts
She had her chance,

I am so scared that you will give her another.
You let her have the key,
I am so scared that you won't change the lock.
You took her hand,
I am so scared that you won't want to take me.
You looked in her eyes,

I am so scared that you won't see me.
You let her go,
I am so scared that you won't let me be.



    This poem is from my last semester of high school. I was in a composition and creative writing class and for most of our assignments we had to write poems. I ended up writing a lot about what I was going through in life and that is how this poem came to be.
    When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to submit for the national writing day I started to go through my poetry journal to see if there were any poems that I was still really attached to. This poem was one that I really have a connection to even today. When I wrote this poem for the first time I can clearly remember the guy that I was thinking of and the way that I was truly scared to let him have any part in my life because he had let another girl be the center of everything he did for so long.
    As I looked through this poem I realized that I never thought that it would be possible for me to feel the way I did in life as I did when writing it. Of course now I can look at it and say that it was a silly high school crush that I was letting get to me. I was just an immature high school-er that did not really have a grasp on what life was really going to bring.
    The reason that I chose this poem is because of the history that it holds for me and the meaning that, even at this point, it holds for me. I am able right now to put someone else in the focus of the lines and it still makes perfect sense. I am able to have all of those feelings come up even now three years later, about another guy.
    I wanted to choose something that I had wrote at an earlier stage in my writing career, but that still held relevance to who I am today. This poem seemed to be the perfect fit for that. I was able to have some kind of relation to the way that I was feeling then and the way that I am feeling now. Although I was very young in my writing and I feel that the relationship that I was then writing about is very petty as I look at it in view of the way that I am feeling right now it makes perfect sense.
    This poem was my choice because I am able to relate to it still today even though it was written very early on. As I stated earlier I wanted to choose a piece that has relevance to me today, but that I had written early on. I believe also that I still have a lot of myself present in the work that I did early on that I think that those pieces are more me than what teachers now expect me to write. I was writing to please myself at that point not for others. That is also another reason that I choose this piece. It was written at a much simpler time in my life where I was less concerned about the grade and more concerned with it being a way to express myself.
   My choice in sharing this for national writing day also spans from wanting to submit something that is out of the ordinary for the type of writing that I am more consumed with at this point in my life. I write at this point on a very academic level or for myself, journaling. I have not committed to very much poetry more recently and I believe that has much to do with the way that I am expected to write the classroom. This is why I chose to use this piece as well. I have not had a chance to do this type of writing and I wanted it to be known that I am actually capable of it.
    Going through my old pieces also was something that I had a desire to do and I am hoping that it will give me some desire to start it up again. I hope that at some point soon I will be able to set aside some time and dedicate that time to writing a few lines. This assignment has gotten me to see that there are so many types of writing that I was into early on that I have let slip as my academic career has moved forward.